Seven. Communication

Homer: Marge, I didn’t tell ‘em personal stuff.

Marge: Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everybody knew I dyed my hair!

Homer: Oh, you mean about you.

Greg Daniels (episode writer), The Simpsons

Over the years, I’ve studied and received tons of good advice on communication. I’ve also studied marketing and run numerous courses and workshops on the subject. In general, I’m a pretty good communicator, but if you push my buttons, or things get tense, I’ll revert to my instincts and all that knowledge disappears. When things get really hard I’ll shut down, go into my head, and find some angle of defense or respond in an intellectual way—and that’s only if I haven’t found the door first. You may not act like this in the beginning of the relationship, when you’re putting your best foot forward. We have our “best-self response” at this stage. But over time you communicate from the spirit of your mind, the stripped-down raw stuff that exposes our true motivations and needs when we’re unguarded. This needs some renewing.